The Words given by My Parent Which Rescued Me when I became a Brand-New Parent

"In my view I was merely in survival mode for the first year."

Former Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the challenges of fatherhood.

But the actual experience quickly turned out to be "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Serious health complications during the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was pushed into acting as her chief support in addition to caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, every nappy change… each outing. The role of mother and father," Ryan shared.

Following 11 months he burnt out. It was a chat with his father, on a park bench, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward words "You're not in a healthy space. You need some help. What can I do to support you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and find a way back.

His situation is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. Although society is now better used to discussing the strain on mums and about PND, less is said about the challenges new fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan thinks his difficulties are part of a wider inability to open up amongst men, who continue to internalise negative notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and stays upright every time."

"It is not a show of failure to request help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to accept they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not justified to be requesting help" - especially in front of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental health is equally important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the chance to request a pause - taking a few days abroad, outside of the family home, to see things clearly.

He came to see he had to make a change to focus on his and his partner's emotions alongside the practical tasks of taking care of a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That insight has changed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotional life and interpret his parenting choices.

The idea of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen did not have consistent male parenting. Despite having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences meant his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says suppressing feelings resulted in him make "terrible decisions" when he was younger to change how he was feeling, finding solace in alcohol and substances as an escape from the pain.

"You gravitate to substances that aren't helpful," he explains. "They may briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Managing as a New Father

• Share with someone - when you are under pressure, speak to a family member, your other half or a professional about your state of mind. This can to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the things that made you feel like you before becoming a parent. This might be exercising, socialising or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - eating well, physical activity and when you can, resting, all are important in how your mind is coping.
• Meet other new dads - hearing about their experiences, the challenges, and also the positive moments, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that asking for help isn't failing - looking after yourself is the best way you can support your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the death, having not spoken to him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead provide the safety and nurturing he lacked.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the feelings in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they confronted their pain, changed how they talk, and learned to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I said, at times I feel like my role is to instruct and tell you on life, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am understanding an equal amount as you are in this journey."